Vehicular Pet Peevs

Ahhh, my first rant. I'll only all but mention the more obvious offenses such as, driving in the left lanes when not passing the people on the right, honking excessively when it's not to avoid an accident, smoke spewing shit-boxes, and the dreaded cell phone zombies. They say, if you're driving while speaking on your phone, your ability to react is impared similarly to as if you're running an illegally high blood alcohol content. I still don't know why they can't get the hands free law passed here. Damn lobbyists. There's some pretty crazy shit people do at the wheel (or not at the wheel for that matter), and while not everything I see out there is a direct threat to me, I can't help but notice these things and wonder.




"The Parasol a.k.a. The Blinders"

What I believe to be a strictly Califonia phenomena. I've seen this in none of the 30 or so other states I have driven in thus far. I understand that some cultures hold fair skin to be very important and will go to extreme measures to achive it. But, this is "The Sunshine State" and you're driving now. The people pictured are at least holding onto the wheel and have somelin eof sight...I have repeatedly seen folks cruizing down the highway while holding up a full page newspaper with their left hand that obscures the entire window. Hanging a flyer or towel in your window doesn't do a whole lot for the community of defensive driving. I can't see you, and guess what? You can't see me or the tandem 36 wheeler about to crush your Del Sol. Two words: Sun-block, window-tint, sun-glasses, sun-visor, don't-drive. Well, that was a bunch of "two words ", pick a set.

"The Plastic Couch Cover"

Or at least; basically, the equivalent. I have seen this thing on a BMW once, and countless times on various models of Saturns. I apologize for the out of focus picture (it was taken by some jerk who didn't have two hands on the wheel). Basically, it is this black plastic disk that protrudes a few inches and is attached to the center of the wheel. Searching the internet for what this device actually is, has yielded zero results for me. In my current state of ignorance; I'll take an educated guess and say it's there to protect the wheel. And I doubt from theft, as Saturn rims aren't exactly a hot commodity. So what from? The really bad parking jobs that Saturn owners are often guilty of? Getting dirty? Frequent trips to the abusive mechanic? Who knows? Why do people leave those plastic couch covers on their sofas anyway? Resale Value? If so, they are going to be very disappointed when it comes time to sell.

Speaking of Parking Jobs, I have at least two neighbors who bother me with theirs. I live on a very steep hill in San Francisco and the curb is littered with driveway entrances, leaving some very short sections of parkable street. Some of these spots are just big enough for two properly parked cars. Problem is; the two neighbors of which I speak, choose to park damn near dead-center of these pavement havens. One of these folks is the owner of one of those Honda Insights, and moves their car only on street cleanig day. I'm sure they bike to work or use public transportation, good for everybody. Now, I recycle religiously and am a bit of enviornmentalist myself and I'm sure mother nature thanks you kindly for being able to go 700 miles between fill-ups. However, you've just taken my space and forced me and the rest of the neighbors to drive around the block for another 5 or 10 minutes spewing ozone depleting fumes while we look for a spot.

"Spoiled"

In case you are unaware of what a spoiler is actually meant to do, please keep reading along. This device is basically a wing that provides reverse lift and applies downward force to the rear end of your vehicle to achive superior handling, especially while cornering. The thing is, you need to be pushing some major speeds for a spoiler of this magnitude to become effective. We've all seen the local Geo Metro with the stainless steel wing that rises higher than the trunk...It's like, come on dude, Formula One race cars don't even have spoilers that big. At least the fellow pictured here bothered to match the paint, and the rest of his car has matching bad-assitude from a visual standpoint. However, The National Space and Aeronautics Museum called, and they want their exibit back.

"Lean back, lean back."

Ok, I use to have a CRX and had the seat reclined a bit more than was practical...when I was 17. Notice that the seat is all but centered in the rear window? I can't figure out if this guy is trying to chaffuer himself by sitting in the back seat while driving or trying to cure his Scoliosis. Either way, if someone rear-ends him (and people tailgate at 70mph out here), he's gettin' some wicked whiplash. The headrest is not actually for resting, it's there to protect you. So, pull up your pants, and lean forward, lean forward.

"Those sons of bitches that stole my gas twice in one month"

While driving to work one morning I was stopped at an intersection and the construction worked on the corner gave me a heads up that my gas flap was open. Ok, maybe I forgot to close it. But, I don't think so. I continue on my drive to work when I notice that my trip odometer that I reset upon fill-ups is only reading 100 miles and my gas gauge is reading 1/4 tank. What? How? Why? Yup, you guessed it. With rising gas prices, I have become the victim of fuel siphoning. I didn't think people actually participated in this activity outside of Cheech and Chong movies, but they do. Well, twice was enough. Considering the locking gas cap that I bought cost ten dollars; if in the future it prevents me from being liberated of 3.3 gallons of gas or more, it pays for itself. I think it may already have. Knock on wood.



All of that said; one thing I will give all of these folks credit for, is not driving around while trying to be an ametuer photographer at the same time. I've got that jerk move covered.

Also, I realize that Florida is actually the Sunshine State. Golden State just doesn't work as well for my argument; editorial license taken quite liberally here.

Update: That thing on the Saturn's wheel is a Spike Spider. It's some sort of mounting system for a snow chain alternative. This justifies my point even further...it's mid-summer in SF, take that thing off.